I finally reached my weight goal from this diet... 180lbs. That's losing 8lbs in 8 weeks. And 16 lbs in the 15 weeks since the unexpected and inexplicable breakup (has it really been that long? Sheesh).

My cousin Lanora comes to visit this week, which I'm very excited about. But I have SO much work to do before she gets here on Thursday! Work work, and house work. And I'm not making a lot of progress this weekend. I just feel exhausted and unmotivated. Still, I have managed to clean out the gutters completely, trim some of the ivy back that was over-taking the back yard gate, get the dishes done, and started the laundry.

I hope Lanora isn't caught up in the airline flight cancellations though... she's flying American. Ugh. Here's hoping she gets here on time, and without incident (fingers crossed).

I've been very remiss in updating my blog lately. Part of it is work taking a lot of time, and part of it is just being lazy and tired. It's strange how the one hour time-change this month threw me off so badly. It took me literally two weeks for my body's clock to adjust, and even though it was just an hour, it meant I was losing significant sleep, and just being tired a lot.

Anyway, I wanted to follow up on how the diet is going. I've been on it six weeks, more or less, and I've lost six pounds. That's one pound a week on average. And while that isn't quite as fast as I started with the first two weeks, much of that comes from how much I've been "cheating" of late :-)

When Thane was in town, we ate out a lot, and I blew the diet a couple of days. And being a stress eater, when work got stressful these last two weeks, I've been craving comfort food. Add to that being really tired, and fast food is just so easy.

But I'll tell you something. I still haven't had any fries. I've had exactly two sodas in the last three weeks. And even though I've eaten at fast food places four times in the last week and a half, my choices have been a lot better. No soda, no fries, get a side-salad with that grilled chicken sandwich, get the "Fresco" chicken soft tacos, etc, etc.

And of course, I dutifully enter it all in the Nutrition For You site (http://www.nu4you.net/) of course, and surprisingly, I've only blown out my fat or carb or calorie intake a couple of days. The site hammers you with the fact that it's "all about choices", not some rigid and fixed diet you have to punish yourself with. I was pretty religious about it at first, and that's probably why the weight came off so fast to start. I'm more lax about it now, but I'm still within the guidelines.

What's even more interesting is how it's changed my perceptions and desires. I used to crave Big Macs, and would think nothing of getting two of them when they had those "two Big Macs for $2.22" specials. Now the whole idea just turns me off. I don't even want one. The one day I was the worst, when I was out with Thane, and ate way too much fried food (these delicious "appetizers" called "fireballs", which are minced chicken and jalapeno, formed into little balls and deep fried), I actually felt ill for several hours. They were delicious, but all that grease just made me sick. Honest to god, the one time I went to Wendy's, I didn't even WANT fries.

The whole experience has been really good, and really eye-opening. Even if I stopped using the site, I know I'd be eating better, with better portion control. I highly recommend the site if you're at all interested in losing weight or just plain eating better. I hate to sound like a salesperson, but they're having a sign-up sale for just $1, and then just $15/month, which is MORE than worth it.

For the record, I'm also sleeping better, and my heart-burn problems have really gotten a lot better as well. I've only got two more pounds to get to my goal, but I think I'm going to go for a little more. I also haven't been exercising much at all these last couple of weeks, so I need to pick that back up again.

Last January, right before the breakup, I was 196. Yesterday, I weighed in at 182. Sure, over half of that was the post-breakup weight loss, but I'm still really pleased with the results. My fat pants are officially "too big" now, which is awesome. Seeing the results in the mirror are even better motivation than looking at the number on the scale.

Other than that, not a lot going on.

The setting sun over Lake Travis at The Oasis in Austin, TX.

Last Wednesday, while in on-site meetings all after noon, my cellphone buzzed a few times. I had to silence it due to the meeting, but after I got back home, I found calls and messages and emails from my friend Thane. Thane is a good friend I made here in Austin back when I first moved here. Many years ago he moved to the DC/Baltimore area, and we only get to see each other every couple of years.

Anyway, the volume of messages implied something urgent, and sure enough, the content of the messages was rather time-sensitive. Turns out he was in Oklahoma City for a conference that ended prematurely, and wanted to know if I would be willing to put him up for a visit. He needed to know if I was available fast, so he could make his airline ticket changes.

Now, there are only a handful of people in the world who could give me 12 hours notice of a weekend stay, and he's definitely one of them. So I called back ASAP and gave him a "Hell yeah" answer.

The next morning I picked him up. Even though I had to work both Thursday and Friday, we did meals together, and I set him up with some DVDs and stuff (I introduced him to The Venture Brothers of all things :-), and of course we had evenings together.

Friday night we went out with friends of mine downtown and pretty much painted the town red. Saturday we did brunch, went to Zilker Park, walked Town Lake (recently renamed Lady Bird Lake) through downtown, and ended the day out at the Oasis, watching the sun set over Lake Travis while drinking Mango and Guava Margaritas.

It was all over too soon, and I drove him to the airport to catch his flight back to his loving partner in the cold frozen North bright and early Sunday morning.

Thane is such a great guy. Besides being fun, he always manages to say exactly what I need to hear, just when I need to hear it. We always have great conversations, both deep and completely frivolous. Having him visit out of the blue like this was one of the most pleasant surprises I've had in a long, long time. This year is looking up :-)

Anyone that knows me knows I'm a junk food junky and eat way too much fast food (like, twice a day, every day).

And anyone that has read this blog knows that late last year I put on a lot of weight... from stress-eating, to the all-you-can-eat cruise, to the Holidays, to dating... I got up to 196 at one point (about 20lbs above where I want to be).

Of course, getting dumped in January sent me down about 8 pounds to 188, but I completely plateaued there once I got over the shock and depression a couple of weeks later. (Daily affirmation: I deserve better; I deserve respect and consideration; I deserve someone who communicates; I deserve someone who is nice.)

So when a good friend offered to let me beta-test his new diet-program web-site (Nutrition for You (www.nu4you.net)), I signed right up. I've been on it for two weeks now.

That's two weeks of no fast food, nothing fried, no full-fat dairy, and only one soda in all that time (I slipped this morning!). It's actually been working really well, averaging a loss of 1.5 pounds a week (three pounds in two weeks). The best part? You eat a LOT. I love food, and I almost feel like I can't possibly eat as much as this diet wants me to. Only two days in the past two weeks have I exceeded the 'target' amounts of food or calories for a given day (not-ironically the only two days I had a meal out at a restaurant). Some days I've come in really short of the calorie target, and yet I feel like I'm eating a lot more than I used to.

And in spite of that, I'm losing weight. Steadily.

I'm not really exercising any more either. Well, actually, I am exercising a little more, but it's not super-significant (yet). It's just about food choices. I can't believe I haven't even had refined white flour or white rice. Multi- and Whole-grains only!

The drawbacks? Well damn, there's a lot of dishes to do all of a sudden. God that's annoying :-) And I'm not reading as much, because my "reading time" has always been the time I sat in restaurants or fast-food places, eating by myself. I'm going to have to find other time to fit my reading in. I've also spent a lot of time preparing meals, doing dishes, etc. that I never really did before, as well as a lot more grocery shopping.

One of the other things about the diet is you eat pretty much every three hours. Given all that work (preparation, cleaning, shopping, and having to log everything I eat into a website), I'm shocked I've stuck with it this long. I'm pretty lazy when it comes to this kind of thing, but I'm liking the results. I really want to get back into regular pants, get back into shape (ramping up the exercise a bit), and start feeling good about my body and myself again.

It's been a rough year so far, and hopefully this is one thing that will help me turn things around.

Seriously. Two weeks with no butter, no cream, no whole milk, and only two days with any regular-fat cheese (the two days I ate out). Nothing fried! Who would have believed I could even do that, let alone want to continue it.

185 and continuing down! (I haven't seen this weight in six months I don't think)

I usually head downtown on Friday nights, and this past Friday Night, there was a huge Obama rally right on Congress avenue, with the impressive Texas State Capital as a backdrop.

It was supposed to start at 9pm, so I headed that way a little before. The crowd was big, and the closest I could get was just about a block or so away. Literally, shoulder-to-shoulder, couldn't get any closer if I tried. Obama came on right on time, at precisely 9:00pm, and I could just barely see him. If I held out my thumb at arm's length I could completely blot him out, but still, I could see him.

The speech itself was his standard stump-speech with a few Austin-specific ad-libs that were obviously received well. It was very good. And I love how he always sticks up for gay people, in every speech, no matter what audience he's talking to.

Hillary didn't bother to have a rally in Austin.

It's fun to be there and feel you're part of history. I just hope it comes out better than the last few times I felt like I was a part of history :-)

It was a quiet weekend this week, for a change. No going out every night drinking and seeking the company of friends. Okay, I did go out Friday night, but even that was a bit subdued. I did run into a lot of people I hadn't seen in a long time, and chatted briefly with them, and it was good catching up.

But I was pretty much a home-body Saturday and Sunday. I finally took down the Christmas tree and decorations on Sunday... I know, I know, you can't believe it was still up! Well, it's sort of a tradition in my immediate family that the tree goes up early (day after Thanksgiving) and comes down just after my birthday (which is also my Father's birthday). It's sort of a Christmas Tree, New Year's Tree, and a Birthday Tree.

I also did a bit of yard work, working on getting rid of some of the ivy that is taking over two of my trees. One of the vines going up the tree was thicker than my wrist!

The weather is pretty amazing here, spending much of the time in the 70's, and occasionally breaking through 80. I certainly can't complain, and certainly don't plan to! :-)

But mostly I was a slug and vegged.

Today I turned 43. And what did I get for my Birthday? Food poisoning.

Actually, I had a great Saturday, going out with friends for dinner, and other friends for drinks and partying. I got home late, getting to bed around 3am.

Two hours later, all the trouble started. I was awakened by searingly painful cramps, and spent the next four hours alternating between being curled in the fetal position whimpering and being chained to the toilet. I finally got to sleep for a few hours, waking around noon, and it was still going on. I had to cancel all my Superbowl Sunday plans (making a bunch of food and appetizers to take to a friend's Superbowl party), as I couldn't even LOOK at food, let alone eat any, let alone prepare any.

So Sunday I didn't even leave the house at all. At least I caught the game on my own... pretty good game for a super bowl. Around 9pm, just as the super bowl was ending, my appetite came back... with a vengeance, considering it had been about 26 hours since I last had solid food. So I broke down and ordered a pizza. Yummy.

And today was a normal work day, though it wasn't until this evening that I finally started feeling normal.

So yeah. Great birthday, huh? Sigh.

And this on top of finally getting an email from the ex on Friday that was a sort of an attempt at finally giving me what I wanted, an "explanation" ... but really was just more pain and revisionist history and lies and crap that just ended up upsetting me more. If nothing else, it served to cement the fact that I'm better off now. The mourning process is over. I now have no problem giving him what he wants: no more contact from me. Happily.

So far, this isn't really working out to be my year.

Last weekend was really rough, but this weekend was fine.

I spent most of the week working of course, but I also got away to see a movie and to have dinner with friends. And of course I went out Friday! I also went to brunch with a friend on Sunday, and then out for Sunday happy hour too. And seriously, through the therapy of good friends and not letting myself hole-up in my house and wallow, I'm really doing okay now. The shock, the anger, and the hurt are pretty much in the past now.

Nobody is more surprised by this than me, to be honest. The last time I was dumped, some fifteen and a half years ago, it took me months to recover, and calling it years wouldn't be unreasonable. It's nice to see I've grown emotionally and am more able to handle and deal with set-backs and shocks to the system like this. Shake it off, and move forward... don't wallow, don't look back, but just get on with getting on with life, and know when I deserve better.

All of which, of course, doesn't change the fact that I still want to know what the hell happened! :-) I mean, really... after two days of silent treatment (and having not seen him in almost two weeks) I go to his door to see what's up, and get it slammed and locked in my face without a word. What could possibly justify that in his mind? I'd love to find out. But I'm not counting on it. And I'm certainly not depending on it. It would, however, be a nice parting gift, should it ever come to pass.

But back to my week... I saw "Cloverfield" on Wednesday night, and it was pretty okay for what it is, which is a straight-forward monster-movie with a little "Blair Witch" twist. Unfortunately, that twist, while initially interesting, left me feeling mildly motion-sick about half-way through the movie. Eh, it's worth a matinee if you're into monster movies. If you're not, it's certainly nothing special, so nothing lost :-)

I also made a lovely Chocolate Amaretto Swiss Roll for dessert to bring to dinner with my friends on Thursday night, and Friday night, we all went out early, got drunk, and spent two hours stuffing our faces at P.F. Changs.

Sunday I had a great conversation over eggs and pancakes with Amy, and later that evening went out with more friends at happy hour, and even ran into a lot of people from the cruise. I had a great time, and a very interesting talk with another friend I've never been that close with before. I honestly think that's changing, and that's a good thing, because I've always liked him and his partner. And of course I stuffed my face on free happy-hour food.

Which brings me to my last point. The one drawback to getting over the depression as quickly as I did is that my weight loss plateaued at about 7 lbs, and is likely to regress from there the way I've been eating lately :-) Oh well...

You can't have everything I guess. Nope. You sure can't.

Ugh, last night was bad. Waves of tropical sobbing squalls all evening, and lots of tossing and turning through the night.

Today is better. At least to an observer on the outside. Inside it's still pretty stormy.

A group of three local friends -- Amy, Gary (a former co-worker and office-mate), and Laurie (who just became Gary's fiance', congrats to you both!) -- took me out for brunch at the Star Seeds Cafe'... one of my local favorites. I had scrambled eggs and pancakes (the only food I've had all day in fact), and it was good. I put on my brave face, and though I was on thin, brittle ice which came very close to cracking several times, I kept it together. I hadn't seen them in forever (my fault, mostly), and they've never met Brian.

Being with people was good. Being with friends was better. Being able to laugh, was awesome.

After brunch and much conversation, we went out to see a movie, "Charlie Wilson's War". What an excellent film. It was thoroughly entertaining and I highly recommend it. I needed a good laugh, and this movie provided it. In addition, it's just a very intelligent movie, based on a true story. If you haven't seen it, try and catch it before it goes out of theaters, or at least plan to rent or NetFlix the DVD.

My last big episode of 'getting dumped' was fifteen and a half years ago. It was far worse than this one (if you can believe it), and I was much less emotionally equipped to handle it. I bring this up, because I have a rather strange reaction to getting dumped ... I lose my appetite almost completely. Back in September/October of '92, I dropped down to 140lbs. To give you some idea what that means, I'm 6'4" and at the time I pretty much hovered around 170. That's a lot of weight to drop, when you're already pretty skinny.

Over the last few months, I've unfortunately packed on some decent poundage. Between the Cruise (all you can eat!) the Holidays (fatty foods and sweets!) and dating a lot (dining out several times a week), lots of work stress (I'm a "stress eater"), and just plain old growing older with a slowing metabolism and very little physical activity, I porked my way up to about 194 as of last week.

The "official" (if you can call it that) breakup is only 24+ hours old (though I was getting all screwed up wondering what was going on during the days of silent treatment before that, as any member of the MUSH can attest to), and I'm already down to 187. So if there's a silver lining to all this, at least I can look forward to fitting back in my regular pants (I had to go out and buy 'fat pants' for the last few months) and maybe getting back into shape.

I should market this "getting dumped by a boyfriend" diet. Nothing has proved more effective, for me at least. :-/

I promise not to let it get out of control though. If I start getting below about 178, I promise I'll force myself to eat something even when I'm not hungry.