Twice a year, every year, central Texas is taken over by the birds. Great-tailed Grackles, to be precise. Huge migratory flocks stop by for a few weeks in the Spring and the Fall, on their way to somewhere else. Masses and masses of large black birds.

It's really quite something to experience. Not a pleasant something, mind you, but something.

First of all, they're loud. So amazingly loud. And when you get thousands of them perching in every tree, all squawking their horny mating calls and what-not, it can be nearly deafening. I remember once being at a drive-through, and being unable to hear the voice on the speaker, and being unable to be heard, due entirely to the cacophony in the field of trees adjacent. In fact, the next time I went to the same drive-through, there was a paper taped over the speaker that told customers to just pull around, as they couldn't hear over the birds.

It's cool sometimes, when an entire flock takes wing at once, and a group of trees disgorges uncountable clouds of birds into the sky. It's really amazing to watch. If only their "song" (if you can call it that) were more pleasing to the ear.

But it's worse than just loud squawking flocks of thousands, nay, millions, nay HUNDREDS of millions of these obnoxiously loud black birds that is the problem. Let's just say, you learn quickly that twice a year, for a few weeks, one shouldn't park their car under a tree. No matter how enticing the parking place may otherwise seem.

This is something that I not only should know, but DO know. However, yesterday evening, I guess I forgot.

I was going to a friend's house downtown for a small dinner gathering, and was excited to find a free spot on the street. So excited that I immediately parked. Upon exiting the car, I heard the squawking of the birds overhead and paused, thinking I had probably best go ahead and pay to park in a garage. But it was late, and me being lazy and rather a cheap-sake, I let it slide.

I shouldn't have. Mental note: always go with your gut instinct.

I returned to my car about three hours later. I'm not really sure how to put this, other than to say the birds perched in the tree branches well above my car must have been ill with a serious intestinal flu or something. My car was absolutely COATED with bird crap. I actually had to be careful to find a spot on the door handle that I could touch in order to open the car. The driver's side window was almost useless to see through. It was beyond disgusting. These are not SMALL birds, mind you, and when they drop a load (which, given the evidence staining my car from stem to stern, would be approximately every 2.8 seconds), it produces a very large splat. And the things these birds must eat...

I just can't go into it.

So in an effort to save a $6 parking fee, I ultimately spent nearly that same amount at a car-wash at 1am in the morning, desperately trying to remove bird poop from all over my car. It's amazing to me how that stuff does NOT want to rinse off. It took me a good 20 minutes with the high-pressure spray hose trying to make my car look presentable.

I've learned my lesson I guess. Of course, this isn't the first time this has happened to me ... apparently I don't learn after just one lesson. It seems to take two or three. But maybe someone else can learn from my experiences in avian effluvia... a free and empty parking spot anywhere near the vicinity of a tree is NOT worth the cost.